The secret to creating successful relationships.

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Would you like to know a fascinating behaviour that can determine if a relationship will be successful or not? Whether this is a friendship, colleagues, romantic relationship, or the relationship with your customer.

This impactful behaviour. The secret relationship "tell", all comes down to bids.

Bids for attention.

At any moment in time, we are in some way, shape-or-form, bidding the attention or affection of another. A bid can be any measure of things. It can be big as reaching out for someone's hand to asking for help to reach a jar from the shelf, smiling as you walk past some to commenting on a social media post.

While the bid is important, it's the way the other person reacts to the bid over a period time that determines whether this relationship will be successful or not.

There are generally three ways a person can react to the bid from another, and this reaction influences whether the relationship will be masterful or a complete disaster.

I learned about this incredible behaviour from The Good Life Project's Jonathan Fields, and it's based on a body of research by two psychologists John and Julie Gottman. And I had to share it with you my friend, on our Wisdom Wednesday journey because it could be transformational.

The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our life - this is not a new concept. But the idea of being able to take control of the personal and professional relationships in our life, can feel new to us.

So here lies the magic of the bids...

As I said, when someone makes a bid for attention or affection, there are three ways the other person can react:

1. Turn towards it. So you acknowledge the bid and respond to it in a positive way

2. Turn away or ignore the bid. So you don't acknowledge it or respond to it in a constructive way

3. Turn against it. You are actively negative in the way you respond to bid

Now, we are all guilty of responding with all of these three behaviours at some point in time. We are not perfect, and no relationship is perfect.

The important consideration is what response do you choose on average? How do you respond to the other person's bid most of the time?

Do you turn towards the bid, ignore it, or turn against it?

If I'm going to be honest with you; when I reflect on the responses I choose in my relationship with my daughter, I'm horrified I realise I turn away a lot. I think about the many moments Bella would have made a bid for my attention at the end of the day while we were chilling in the lounge; I had my phone in my hand, physically present but mentally a million miles away, and I'm heartbroken to admit I would have ignored Bella's bids more than I should have.

We can use this filter to understand the relationships around us. Romantically, we all know couples that are an absolute disaster. And I guarantee you if you stopped for a moment to look at their bid strategy, look at how they reacted to each other's bid for attention, you'll see them turning against each other. They respond to each other's bids with anger, resentment, pettiness.

On the flip side, if we look at the brands and businesses that thrive, I promise you, they are turning towards the small and large bids their customers are making—through incredible guest service, reacting to feedback, engaging on social. Their success lies in the small, consistent, caring and positive responses.

It's quite extraordinary how accurate and powerful this bid behaviour.

And now you know about it, you have the power to consciously shape and form the relationships in your life. By looking for the bids for attention and affection another makes of you and choosing whether you:

1. Turn toward it

2. Turn away and Ignore

3. Or turn against

I hope you turn towards.